My surprise

Every night I think about how wonderful it would be to sleep with her snuggled close to me. To smell her sweet skin. To feel her breathing. To cuddle her and kiss her forehead as we both drift off to sleep.

I don’t though. I’m fairly certain I’d squish her. Or I’d be so scared I’m going to squish her that I’d never fall asleep.

This sweet surprise of mine. She is so wonderful. I’ve expressed it before, but I never wanted her. She was not in my plan. I can say I was not excited nor happy about it. Probably even up to her delivery.

But now. I feel so different. I was certain I’d love her as most mothers love their babies. But, I never expected this much love. Or that I’d like her this much either.

My surprise. My gift. I’ve changed and grown with each baby. Not just in the stretching of the skin or growing of my feet, but in the stretching of my heart and growing of my soul. There are days when I feel the growing pains as I juggle children and responsibilities and a husband and my selfishness. But some days, it’s nice. It’s nice to feel myself grow. To see what and who I am turning out to be.

I love this girl. With more of my heart than I ever thought possible. Because she was my surprise. The surprise I never knew I needed.

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